Ironing Issues
Monday, August 13th, 2007
I think the word “iron” has an ugly miserable sound to it. I cringe when I hear it. Chills run up my back and I feel a little queasy. “I was ironing when…” Stop! I shriek. You can’t do such a thing. It is like skinning a catfish, more horrible than you can imagine and you only do it when you absolutely have to. Catch a big old cat and you are forced to nail the catfish to a board and turn it inside out so it’s ready to fry up, sans skin. As with fish cleaning, I perform the task of ironing with similar stoicism. When I saw an article in Martha’s magazine extolling the pleasure and method of ironing sheets, I got light headed. Luckily I was in a doctor’s office waiting for an appointment so in case the horror overcame me, I was in good hands. Goodness, “Iron” is a four letter word in my book!
How could any of the Mint Julep Queens have an Ironing issue you may ask? It has to do with making your own pageant banner, an exercise in patience and persistence. Please remember, if you make your own beauty pageant banner with flocked letters you need to iron them onto the satin ribbon. Yes. And you have to use a hot iron. Plus on top of this, you must remember to reverse the flocked letters so they appear in order on the banner. Otherwise you end up with “tinM peluJ” and each letter is even backwards. It looks Russian.
Last fall we had a fun little party called “Queen 101”. Dennis Miller, (not the ex-SNL born-again right winger) but the Dennis Miller, stylist, beauty consultant and crown placer introduced us to the wonderful world of pageant styles. He arrived, wigs, extensions and tiaras in hand, ready to instruct us on the wonderful winning ways of Miss America’s style and glamour.
As he explained, holding up a darling banner in white satin with lime green flocked letters, “I am so glad you were not here when I finished this and lifted it up from the ironing board.” He displayed the Russian garble of reversed and backwards letters that he had carefully ironed onto the satin ribbon sash. He continued, “I was cursing up a storm and ready to throw the damn iron out the window.” (That’s where it belongs in my opinion.) Luckily, he was prepared for a pageant emergency and had extra satin and extra letters and had time to start over. He mixed a drink and got his friend (and our make-up artist for the party), Virginia to rescue him.
You may say that this was not necessarily an ironing problem. That in fact it was a design or layout misstep and the ironing had nothing to do with the messed up result. I say different, honey. I think the iron was like a jinx in the whole process and it caused dear Dennis the stress and heartache that resulted in the “sneeuQ peluJ tinM “sash.
“Who wants this banner?” he asked. I raised my hand. You never know. I may need it for a gift, a token, or a special award for a special person so it is hanging in a place of honor right by my misspelled “julip” banner, and that’s another story. So I think the next time you absolutely must iron, it would serve you well to be prepared with the solution Dennis used. Have a cocktail and ask a friend to finish the job.
Too bad we did not have our tiaras along on the trip for some hilarious pictures, but there’s always next time 
See you soon 
I will set it up later. When I try, it shows up waaay too big for the screen. Andres`will have to come to my Royal Blog rescue.) Reign On! Erica 